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50+ Ways to Annoy the Death Witch: Chapter 5

Chapter 5: [this space intentionally left blank] It probably took me a full 15 minutes for me to realize that I was arguing with a goddamn illusion. I was so busy trying to keep her occupied so Tabitha could do her work, that I didn’t notice she wasn’t real. And she definitely had to know we were there, at this point, our conversation got heated. I was trying to be mindful of the neighbors, but if someone was in the house, they were very likely aware of my presence. Either way, the gig was up, so I swatted the illusion. That probably sounds weird, but the illusion just dies if you do something that shows you know it’s not real. Putting your hand through it usually works. So I just swatted it, like there was an insect. Door wasn’t even open. Why would it be? Of course it wasn’t open. Still, I was put out. (I just spent fifteen minutes arguing with a damned door.) Someone else had been doing some preparations this afternoon, as well, it would seem. Well. Shit a brick. I dug my phone out ...
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50+ Ways to Annoy the Death Witch: Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Dealing with a Fucking Necromancer God Dammit We ate, we went to my place (he drove, I napped), we spent several hours swearing at various household and sundry items as we tried to put some spells together. He called the Council, but- it’s like I said, we have been the ones dealing with this kind of shit. They didn’t really know how to handle it, and I still am the only person in their sphere of influence who can see and handle death magic without a ton of prep. The Council was going to reach out to the OSBI- they have contacts everywhere, basically- and see if they could get photos of the crime scene, assuming someone took them before they dug the broken coffins out. I wanted to see as much as they could get, but that wasn’t really going to help us with the task in front of us. I was curious as to how this had been done- now, I had a basic idea. Someone had managed to concentrate and focus all the death magic in the space the graves occupied back into the occupant, and used...
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50+ Ways to Annoy the Death Witch: Chapter 3

(Originally posted here on July 1, 2025)  Chapter 3: Having to talk about my fucking feelings The stone had been smashed. There was a chunk of it sitting there, still. “Where’d the rest of the gravestone go?” I asked. “I think it’s all mixed in with the dirt,” Jacob said. “I thought they’d take it for evidence, but it was still here after the cops left. And the OSBI people, the first time they came out. Maybe whoever came out with the backhoe took it?” I nodded. “Possibly.” I drank some more water, and then knelt down next to the pile of dirt. It had rained a couple of times, and so it was mostly kind of a mound of not quite mud, but it also meant that digging around in it didn’t really give me any hints. If there’d been anything mixed in with the dirt, it was fine enough that I couldn’t figure out what it was. I also couldn’t find any bits of the gravestone around the edge, but I wasn’t willing to stick my whole arm in there and be certain. “What do you think?” Callahan asked. “I...
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50+ Ways to Annoy the Death Witch: Chapter 2

(Originally posted here on June 17, 2025)  Chapter 2- Actually do a Necromancy Callahan insisted we go back for his broken side mirror, which he fortunately found quickly enough that I didn't get too aggravated about the sideline, and then we headed to the gas station. By the time we got there, the sun was high in the sky, as the day heated up. My eye throbbed, and exhaustion was quickly catching up to me, so I headed in to put five bucks in the boys’ tank, and grab an energy drink. When I headed back out, Callahan was chatting with the boys, who'd already started fueling up. When I got to the truck, he pulled me into the conversation, even though I was kinda hoping I could just jump into the truck and ignore them. I'm not great with people, is the thing, they seemed like nice enough kids. “This is Miss Tabitha Greene, by the way. Tabitha, this is Jacob and Dylan Matthews.” He pointed to each kid. Jacob was the older one with pinky-peach hair, and Dylan was the younger one...
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50+ Ways to Annoy the Death Witch: Chapter 1

(Published on tumblr here on the same date roughly five minutes before this one)  Chapter 1: Call her a Necromancer I was on the porch sketching when Callahan showed up. Callahan works for the Council and investigates witchy doings. Mostly in the vein of ‘please lets keep the normies from trying to murder us all’, though that concern has gone down a TON in the internet era. You’d think it would be the opposite, right? Everybody has a camera, all the time. Surely they’d catch actual magic! Yeah. They do, all the fuckin time, and they call it something else. Or they do call it magic, and they’re called crazy. You've seen 'em. The internet is full of people who think giants or aliens built the pyramids, people who claim they see shadow people, or think their neighbor controls the cows, they just don't stand out. Anyway, work has dried up for Callahan and people like him, is my point. It's a much slower gig than it was back in the day. Is he a witch cop? Ehhhh... he’s the ...
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