Completely Ordinary Secretary

Published here August 24, 2020: 

writing-prompt-s:

You are the completely ordinary secretary to a team of superheroes, and the only person who knows their secret identities, hideouts, etc. What happens when the supervillains find out about you?

“Personal assistant,” she said, reaching for her wine.

“I’m sorry?”

“Personal assistant, not secretary.”

“Forgive me,” I said. “Still, not quite the meat of the question.”

She tilted her head at me, and there was an amused glimmer in her eye. “Nothing,” she said.

“What?”

“Nothing, nothing happens. Or rather there is generally some type of conversation and the outcome is I continue to do my job with no harassment.” She sipped at her wine, and her eyes were merry and amused.

“How does that work, exactly?” I had my theories, of course. She’s been kidnapped twice, had her life threatened a few times, and yet… she’s fine. The two times she was kidnapped, she was released unharmed without intervention.

“I don’t normally like to talk this much about work on a first date,” she said.

“Oh, well, I’m not trying to pry, I’m just curious. I thought you’d keep your job closer to your chest.”

“In general, I do. But you’re… very pretty.”

She winked, which made me actually blush, something I rarely do these days.

“What was the question?” she asked. “Oh, the supervillain issue. Most of the time? I convince them to hire me.”

“What?” I asked. “Did you just say-”

“Shh,” she said. “Keep your voice down.”

“You get hired by them?”

“Sometimes. It depends on the persona. There are obviously some who I abhor and would never work for, but I think you and I both know that the line between good and bad is not as clear as people pretend.”

“Right. Your… other clients don’t mind?”

“Well, that’s the thing about being the best… the only, really, at what I do. Who else are they gonna go to? No, we have an… understanding. And I have convinced some ‘supervillains’ to change their methods to be more effective and less harmful, and some ‘superheroes’ that they were doing more harm than good. I have a moral code, and my clients respect that.”

“How?”

She put her wine glass down. “You told me your name is Jessie Lynn, which was a partial lie. It’s actually Jessica Lynn McMaster, you’re recently divorced and furious with your ex-husband, who got full custody of the children. You harbor a grudge, somewhat understandable, as the divorce was other wise amicable. He asked for full custody, however, because he’s suspicious of your extra curriculars. To wit, he believes you are the villain known as the Thorn, and he would be correct. By the way, I personally think that if you sat down and were frank with him about the situation, he’d be amenable to partial custody. The kids miss living with you and honestly prefer the schools in your area, he’s mostly concerned that you aren’t thinking of them, but he knows you love them as much as he does, I bet you could work out a deal where you take them during the week and he has them on the weekends. That aside, you became a villain because of your mother, who nearly died of cancer because she couldn’t afford the treatment. You did manage to get her treated and she’s, happily, in remission, but you know that there are others who weren’t so lucky and it enrages you.”

I inhaled sharply, feeling suddenly dizzy.

“Deep breaths,” she said.

“How did you find out? I was so careful.”

“You were. I… have access to a lot of information that nobody else in the world has. Logistical information, little nitty gritty stuff. There are patterns that form, if you know where to look for them. I’m probably one of the only people in the world who has that information.”

“What do you want?”

“A second date.”

“What?”

“I like you. Like I said, you’re pretty. And I believe in being honest. I know who you are and what you do, so it would be unfair if you didn’t know the same about me. Also I want to help you get your kids back because that’s the right thing to do.”

“You’re blackmailing me into a second date?”

“No, no, no. You misunderstand. I think you’re funny and sweet and very pretty. Your, um, hobby doesn’t really bother me. You’ve never hurt a soul and you’ve brought a lot of attention to the issue at hand, even if your methods are… radical. If you don’t want to go out with me again, your secrets are safe with me, I promise. But I knew all this before you asked me out, it would be unfair for me to pretend like I didn’t know in order to get into your pants. Also my assistance with getting your kids back would be completely independent of any relationship that may develop between us. They’re very cute and the visitation is just unsatisfactory for everybody, I think.”

I sat back. “I need to think about this.”

“Of course. I’ll get dinner. You have my number, right?”

I nodded.

“Call me and let me know, either way.”

I got up and stumbled out and just walked for a while. She completely swept my legs out from under me, and I felt numb.

It was a few days before I got my head out of my ass and called her. I have a tendency to overthink things, but we did end up going on a second date. And a third, and, well. We haven’t really stopped.

I did sit down with my ex, privately, and talked to him honestly about the whole situation, just like she suggested. I couldn’t have imagined that it would have helped, but it did, it really did. We’re still feeling out how we’re going to handle holidays, and I have to plan my ‘escapades’, as Erin calls them, out in more advance than I used to, to make it work.

But the upshot is that my kids and my ex husband were at my second wedding, and Erin looked amazing in her dress.

How could I have ever described her as ordinary?